Soul Searching

I didn't know where to take this blog, then It took me a week to figure out what I wanted to talk about. I am far from perfect and not everyone accepts that fact about me. I love being who I am, but weeks like this it just leaves me feeling like I'm not enough. I am by no means a strong person so when I get these waves of weakness it hits me like a ton of bricks. My confidence has never been there, I just learned to live without it. If you aren't as confident as others it leaves you searching for something and constantly changing to be what everyone wants from you, because you aren't strong enough to be just you. Which has left me changing every week, but I'm tired I'm worn to my very core, I am tired of  being everyone and everything, I just want to be me. I guess I've been soul searching. I'm exploring the depths of me. I have really cut people out lately, because I am afraid of letting people in because I know how people change me. plus I can't bring myself to tell anyone, its left me alone, wandering, not sure what to do or where to go, just alone. I'm an ongoing process I'm not going to stay well forever, I'm going to relapse, I wish it wasn't that way but that is life.